March 14th

All morning I have been feeling like I needed to sit down and post something. As I sat down and started typing it hit me. Today is March 14th! When I got the call from my Endocrinologist's office to give us our pregnancy test results I was terrified to answer the phone. All I remember hearing is, "You are pregnant" and "Your due date is March 14th". I remember hanging up the phone in utter shock! And all I kept saying through the tears was. "I have a due date. I FINALLY have a due date!" Today's date is one I don't think I will ever forget. It is both a painful reminder and reminder that I once had one of my biggest hopes and dreams come true. Even though the excitement was short lived it was there at one point. I am lucky to have even gotten to that point!

I can't believe how long it has been since my first post! I didn't realize just how hard the one year mark was going to be for me. I knew it would be hard and I tried to keep myself extra busy during October. I over committed myself and planned too much! Live and learn, right? October, November and December flew by.

I  haven't forgotten about the blog. I have actually thought about the blog quite a bit but haven't made the time to do anything about it. I am currently working on the layout and design. I am not a graphic designer and really don't know what I am doing but I will figure it out :)

As I have been thinking about the blog the past several months I have been writing down notes of ideas that come to me and really been trying to get an idea of the direction I want to go. As I have navigated the first year and half since my loss I have learned so many things about life, myself and others. I never imagined this would be my life or that I would have to face such a trial. I have experienced so many emotions that are completely new to me. Some have been very trying and others have been eye opening. I have noticed myself being more sympathetic to others and not being so quick to judge. I know many around me feel that I have changed and that I am not the same me that they are used to. I am not! I have been through something hard, heartbreaking and very trying. Anytime we go through trials in our life I am confident in saying that we never walk away from our trials the same person. But that topic can be a whole post of it own! I hope that through opening up and sharing my experiences I can help at least one person. I have always been an extremely private person, especially when it comes to infertility! In fact I made my husband promise that he wouldn't tell anyone we were doing fertility treatments and I tried to keep my pregnancy a secret as long as I could. Being pregnant with triplets in the beginning made that very difficult pretty quick but I was determined and made it to about 14 weeks before I officially announced it. Once it was announced I felt forced to open up a little bit about the trial of even becoming pregnant and then when our boys were born at 17 weeks and had no choice but to be open about what had happened. It has been hard for me to be open but I have found healing and strength in talking about it with people. I hope that I can give a little bit of comfort and strength to those reading this. Both to those that are experiencing it first hand and those that are supporting people they love through it.

Feel free to reach out to me with any questions! I would love to hear what you are interested most in hearing about my experience.

I promise more posts are coming!